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on having time to just be.

April 16, 2013

The past 10 weeks of my life were insanely crazy. I was busy to the point that I had a Word document with everything I needed to get done each day to stay on top of my life. This past Friday, I conquered the comprehensive exam that will allow me to move on from my grad program (now to wait till May 15 to get the results). I woke up Saturday morning, slowly moved to the couch, and continued to veg there for a couple more hours. The feeling of not having things hanging over my head was strange. Those hours I had spent the past week studying now I had at my disposal.

It’s hard to find the balance between too busy and not busy enough. Not busy enough can lead me to majorly waste time. There’s part of me that is letting myself enjoy that feeling of freedom (even though I still have classes to attend and others to teach). I’m relishing in the ability to wake up on a Saturday with no real plans and to spend 3 hours picking out plants with my husband for his garden (even though I wore entirely the wrong shoes for that activity).

I think if I had my way, I would just stay home all the time…drinking green tea, sitting in front of the fireplace, reading, cooking, cleaning, crafting, having deep talks with friends…maybe it would get old. I don’t think it would.

I changed jobs about 4 weeks ago,which is part of the reason I’m not so insanely busy anymore. When I was on the cusp of making that decision, I was really nervous about making another job change, pushing myself into another transition. I felt guilty because I didn’t feel like telling my boss that I was “too busy” was a really good excuse because everyone who works there is crazy busy. As I cried on the couch to Colby, wondering if I was making the right decision in switching jobs, he was able to affirm me in who I am. He reminded me that some people like being busy and find a lot of worth and value and calling in being busy in their work environment. That’s just not me, and that’s okay. Yes, of course, God created us to work and not be lazy, but God created me to be the type of person who wants to leave work at work, and above all, to have time to be interruptible and to be there for people and to soak in God’s presence.

I’ve been reading the classic book by Brother Lawrence, The Practice of the Presence of God. I’m still working on the idea of recognizing my communion with God in every moment, but this prayer from Bro Lawrence is helping me realize it and pray toward it.

“O my God, since Thou are with me, and I must now, in obedience to Thy commands, apply my mind to these outward things, I beseech Thee to grant me the grace to continue in Thy presence; and to this end do Thou prosper me with Thy assistance, receive all my works, and possess all my affections.”

3 Comments leave one →
  1. April 16, 2013 9:52 am

    I love that Brother L. book. And something else like it is Nouwen’s The Way of the Heart. He talks about solitude, silence, and prayer. I know you would like it.

    I’m so glad you can step back from the “busy-ness” and settle into people’s lives.

    I love you!

  2. April 16, 2013 9:11 pm

    mmm good stuff…

    if only could be there to sit on the couch and drink tea with you.

  3. April 17, 2013 4:55 am

    I LOVE reading your blog Chels. Makes me feel like i’m back at home:) LOVE YOU!

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