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lions and tigers and 8-page papers, oh my.

April 26, 2012

I don’t really talk very much on my blog about the fact that I’m in grad school. But I am. OH BOY I AM.

what the heck. i googled grad school and this came up. doesn't resonate with me at all. hahaha.

(image via)

It’s interesting because when I was doing my undergrad, I barely studied. Well, my freshman year when I was a pharmacy major is a different story. When I switched my major to Comm and Spanish, I loved my classes and I sailed through. I could whip out a paper in an afternoon or wake up an hour before a test and ace it.

Grad school is a different story. It’s really tough. I know it’s supposed to be hard. They tell us, “This is supposed to be hard. That’s why it’s grad school and not everyone does it.” But, man. I’ve had something each semester that I’ve thought to myself, I honestly don’t think I can do this assignment. I open a Word document and stare blankly for a while. I shut the computer. I shake it off, straighten the house, go grocery shopping. I sit back down and open it up and the white abyss overwhelms. And that dumb cursor just blinks back at me.

I’m at school and busy on Tuesdays from 10am-10pm, and Thursdays from 10am-7pm. I have every day mapped out for the next 3 weeks of what I need to do each day to stay on track. I’m tired. SO TIRED! And sometimes, I worry that I’m wasting my life in grad school because what if I graduate and then have a baby and then I don’t want to work? And then I start freaking out, which is dumb because who knows what’s going to happen.

But I know that this is where God has called me to be. He has his reasons for me being in this program at this time. I can go back to my first inspiration for wanting to teach English–in a tiny back roads village in the middle of Cambodia. The belief that knowledge can empower, that helping people in such a tangible way brings such joy. This is why I do this. And along the way when I’m tired and discouraged, I get to depend on the Lord for strength. And I do. Not joking, almost every day I wake up and write in my journal some version of this prayer: God, I need your strength to get me through the day because I seriously don’t think I can do this. Don’t get me wrong, I actually love my classes and have great professors and good friends in my program to work with.

But still, I can’t help but be so pumped: TWENTY-ONE DAYS TILL SUMMER VACAYYYYYYYYYY!

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One Comment leave one →
  1. April 26, 2012 12:15 pm

    that picture- epic.
    that’s why I dropped out of grad school…there was no one giving me high fives after class.
    or more like high “tens” (evidently grad school brings the two handed high five)
    ha.
    love you.
    and love your heart.

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