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my achy breaky heart.

October 12, 2011

My heart has been aching lately.

Don’t get me wrong; life here in California is beautiful. The sun is constantly shining, grad school is going really well, and I’m enjoying wedded bliss.


And yet, I find myself lonely. At the end of the weekend I find myself let down because once again starts another week of the mundane—school, errands, an endless sea of assignments to complete, pages to read—and much of my time is spent alone.

I’m making friends, actually. I’m loving the potential in some of these relationships, but I know that this is a process. I miss the comfortable nature of friendships that I’ve had for years. The hey, whatcha doing? wanna meet up at Starbucks in 15 minutes? kind of friendships. The kind of friendships where I mention something from my past and how it’s interacting with my present, and the other person totally tracks. I lack history with these new friends; history isn’t something that I can create in a few weeks.

With a lack of friends (and sometimes I feel like a lack of a life), what’s a girl to do?

Colby and I were at a prayer training at church last week, and a few of the women prayed for me. One of the women came out with Ephesians 5:15-17, which says, “Look therefore carefully how ye walk, not as unwise, but as wise; redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore be not foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.”

Lately, as my heart has been aching for something else or somewhere else, I’ve been turning my thoughts instead toward what the Lord’s purpose might be for this time and place in my life. I know this is the way things will be just for a season, and so I’m looking to find a way to make it productive—to redeem the time. What a beautiful concept. So much time is wasted each day, and it’s incredible to me that the Lord wants to redeem even every single second that we live on earth.

Here are some ways that everyone can practice redeeming the time, no matter their life situation (from Barnes’ Notes on the Bible):

1) in gaining useful knowledge;

2) in doing good to others;

3) in employing it for the purpose of an honest livelihood for themselves and families;

4) in prayer and self-examination to make the heart better;

5) in seeking salvation, and in endeavoring to do the will of God.


I’m reminded that God cares for the sparrows, and I’m much more valuable than one of those.

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. October 12, 2011 12:21 pm

    The good news is that you do #2 just by being yourself. Even though you have an achy heart in this season, just know that you always bring joy even to those you don’t have super deep relationships with. So keep going, and you will naturally form meaningful relationships because that’s just who you are. They probably already are meaningful to others without you even realizing it. :)

  2. Mama permalink
    October 12, 2011 12:31 pm

    Each season of life has its unique sorrows… And joys. And each is uniquely crafted for us… For sanctification, fellowship with Christ and others, and Kingdom work. It is bittersweet…

  3. Justin permalink
    October 12, 2011 12:35 pm

    Want to go to Panera in 3 hours and 15 minutes? :)

  4. October 12, 2011 1:07 pm

    I love what mama said. SO so true and Jesus is ever reminding me that each season is unique in its own way – never necessarily better or worse than any other. Love you! and I love our history. I cherish that!

  5. Lacey permalink
    October 12, 2011 1:20 pm

    Wish we could be together in our new season. Love you so much.

  6. Anna Notario permalink
    October 12, 2011 2:19 pm

    I wish I wish I wish I was there. I love you. so so so much.

  7. b grant permalink
    October 12, 2011 5:42 pm

    of course i wish i was there as well. love you littlegrubs!

  8. October 13, 2011 6:32 am

    …just give me a few years to sew my wild oats and find a husband – then i’ll join you in cali. or colorado.

  9. October 13, 2011 12:55 pm

    Just found your blog because you commented on mine. I think we really could be friends after taking a look around. Glad we’ve found each other! :)

  10. agmcgaha permalink
    October 22, 2011 2:29 am

    he does. isn’t that so special knowing he cares even for those tiny little birds? how much more is he watching over us!! praying for you chelsea.

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