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where i’ve been.

February 23, 2011

I’m going through a phase right now. It’s a kind of anti-blogging phase, I guess. Don’t get me wrong, I love reading other people’s blogs. I mean an anti-me blogging phase.

I’ve been a blogger since high school. I won’t direct you to my old Xanga site because I made all of my posts there private. I took weird pictures of myself and used way too many dumb smiley faces. I kept up with Xanga until I was a junior in college. At some point, I realized that I was getting a lot of validation out of the comments people would leave on my blog. I was basically writing to get comments. It was kind of sick. I would write a blog and anxiously check back 5 minutes later to see if anyone had commented yet. Then 5 minutes after that. Then 5 minutes after that. You get the picture. I would be sad, and sometimes delete posts if no one commented.

Because of my obsession with comments, I kicked Xanga and went over to Tumblr. What drew me to Tumblr is that they didn’t have an option to comment. Another plus is that it’s kind of lazy blogging. You can post little blurbs, pictures, videos, etc without feeling like you need a bunch of words. It’s really fun, like a little guide inside my world and mind and pop culture mixed all together. I got to a place where I didn’t care about comments. I wrote about things that interested me, or I wrote for the purpose of preserving memories.

Then I went on the World Race and had my blog through them. I loved it, because I was writing to tell my friends, family, and supporters about my trip. I reached a new level of vulnerability on my blog. Part of me thinks I was able to do that because I was so far away from my social circle here. I didn’t have to deal with the comments that people left. Plus I was living in such a community of vulnerability that it felt normal.

Now that I’m back in “real life” (as compared to “fake life” on the Race, I guess??) that vulnerability isn’t such a prized value. I find myself wanting to write about something and then talk myself out of it. I tell myself that it’s weird that I think people would want to read the inner workings of my head thrown up on a webpage. I’m really not writing this to get you guys to comment and say, “I WANT TO READ IT” because I know that there are people who do want to read what I write and who have asked me where the heck I have been on my blog. I guess it’s just a phase I’m going through–trying to figure out what to share and what not to share–straddling the line between personal privacy for myself and my loved ones and allowing God to use my vulnerability to speak into other’s lives. I think I’ll be back, but I’m not sure exactly when or what that will look like.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. February 23, 2011 5:49 pm

    hey chelsea – i totally get what you’re saying. i’ve found that i am at the same place right now with my blog. when does sharing and storytelling become too much information, you know? hopefully we both figure it out soon. :)

  2. February 23, 2011 6:14 pm

    vulnerability FTW! I am all about verbal overflow. But I mean, let me think of something about me you DON’T know.

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