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ups and downs.

August 19, 2010

Sometimes I feel bad because I see people write on their facebook statuses things like, “I miss the World Race sooooo much.” or  “I wish I was back on the World Race.” or  “I miss my community, my best friends, etc.”

To be honest, I don’t think I would ever write that on my facebook status. I think I would be more likely to put something like, “I’m so happy I’m not on the World Race anymore.” Ha.

There are things that I’m obsessed with about being home. Chipotle (duh). Driving down the road, windows down, music BLASTING (I missed the radio so much!).  Making plans for road trips. Going to concerts. Being with my family. Texting and talking on the phone anytime I want. Drinking tap water. The library. Beds. Couches. Printers. Books. Down comforters. Microwaves. Oh my goodness I could just go on and on.

Being on the World Race was so hard. It was incredible and amazing and life-changing, but HARD. Exhausting. That lifestyle is definitely not sustainable for more than a year, at least in my opinion. I don’t necessarily wish I was back sleeping on a lumpy bed in a mold-infested room in Romania or sweating my butt off 24/7 in the middle of nowhere Cambodia.

When I think about it more though, there are things I miss about the World Race. I miss the freedom from “real life” responsibility like money, job, family obligations, etc. I miss how much I laughed. I miss how much God was a part of every single moment, a regular part of the rhythm of my life.

Lately I’ve been thinking so much about that last thing. I read a book recently (Girl Meets God by Lauren Winner), and the author said something that has been echoing in my mind. She said something about going through a spiritual drought and missing the feeling of God hovering between her shoulder blades. I love that image. God so near.

On the World Race, the most important things in my life were God, community, and ministry. That was it. When I’m home it’s so much more complicated. I’m juggling many more responsibilities. Life is busy. People expect things of me. I find myself lacking in quality time with the Lord. I don’t have that same feeling of God hovering between my shoulder blades, like I did on the World Race. Not that feeling is everything, because I know that faith goes before feeling, but I want to get to the place in my “normal life” where I feel again that God is right around every corner, waiting to surprise me with joy.

This is all part of the adjustment of re-entry into the States. This is the first week that I’ve been home, alone, and had time to really process what it means to be here for this season. Things will get easier in time, I know, but it takes intentionality on my part. I want to continue to grow toward Christ, closer every day to the person He wants me to be.

at least i have cute paper for my mile-long to do lists...

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. August 19, 2010 3:49 pm

    I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. it’s not that i want to be back on the race but i do miss all the silly times just sitting around with people who get why you are the way you are. also the feeling of God being so near just became such a norm to us that it’s a little weird that we must work towards sitting with him now. hmm anyway i love you chels :) re-entry. it’s an interesting thing.

  2. matthewlasnyder permalink
    August 19, 2010 3:52 pm

    I love it! I love your honesty here, Chelsea. I think you said something very profound when you said, “that lifestyle is definitely not sustainable for more than a year”.

    It’s not… but… it is.

    The challenge is living in complete abandonment, living in freedom to the blind-faith in knowing that God’s gonna catch you. It’s hard to do that in this society that craves self-sustainability… and in the Church, we’ve created self-sustainability from God.

    I am by no means saying that you’re edging that direction. Quite the contrary. You’re more aware than most will ever be.

    We’re called to make disciples. And, frankly, we can’t make disciples if we don’t have disciples around the workplace and whatnot. Just sayin’…

    I’m rambling… I’ll stop…

  3. Mama permalink
    August 19, 2010 4:36 pm

    I’m loving Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. It’s on a free app… CCEL Bible. I’m finding that the more I intentionally acknowledge that God is in and with me, the more habitual that thought becomes. For Brother Lawrence…it changed everything.

    I love you. I’m still in shock that I can walk in the back door and find you in your room!

  4. Kisa permalink
    August 19, 2010 8:27 pm

    Enjoyed your thoughtful post. Question for you: do you think it is the materialism of the U.S. society that makes it harder to feel like God is close? Or something else about our culture?

  5. Brian Alonzo permalink
    August 19, 2010 10:27 pm

    Great thoughts Cheslea. Here’s something to consider. Are you surrounding yourself with people who love you for who you are? Or are you surrounding yourself with people who love you for who you are becoming. Don’t get comfortable and distracted by the pull of this culture. If you are not around people who are going to push you to the point of character and spiritual exhaustion, then you are going to settle into the greatness of the Chelsea of today and fall very short of the greatness of the Chelsea of tomorrow. Get back in the game as fast as possible. Stay in orbit or burn in the atmosphere. We love you and would love to connect very soon.

  6. September 2, 2010 11:52 pm

    another thing that lauren winner says that i really liked is when she knows God is working on her heart/soul to rid her of a bad habit or pattern or choice, it feels like he’s cutting away at her with a paring knife. and now she knows how an apple feels.

    one time you told me that same feeling is like being scrubbed with steel wool. CS Lewis compared it to a dragon being stripped of his scales, to find a human boy underneath. it’s the taking away of the things we think we hold dear…

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