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space for God in the bathtub.

July 20, 2010

The other day I drove myself to Target. It was the first time I was alone in the car since being home. I got there by the grace of the GPS (I’m in Kansas City and totally unfamiliar with the area). I walked into this extra-large Target and suddenly started to freak out. I can’t explain it besides to say that I got really overwhelmed. I bee-lined to the bathroom and stood there for a few minutes, trying to decide if I should just get back in the car and drive back to my sister’s house or shop (as was the original intention). I pulled it together and went back out and shopped. It was fine.

Sometimes I have those moments. Chalk it up to being out of the country for year. Most of the time I’m fine, and I feel like I’ve been back in America for months. Maybe that’s the nature of culture shock. I’m not sure if it’s normal, but it hits me at the strangest times.

I woke up today all out of sorts for no particular reason and for many reasons all rolled into one. I called my bff Hope and spent some time talking with her. She prayed for me and  led me to seek Jesus. I hung up the phone determined to spend quality time with the Lord.

Physical space can have an effect on my spiritual experience. I wandered through the house looking for a distraction-free, small, dark, quiet space where I could just be. I picked the bathtub. I filled it with pillows, brought a candle, and spent time with Jesus while sitting comfortably and clothed in that small space.

I cried, journaled, read, and listened. God spoke this word to me:

Remember.

God commands his people over and over to remember in the Bible. You can find it especially throughout Deuteronomy, and even in the New Testament. I think Jesus sometimes gets annoyed at the disciples. In Mark 8:18 the disciples are having one of their inane conversations, and Jesus says, “Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember?”

Rob Bell says in his book Sex God, “Gratitude is central to the life God made us for. Until we can center ourselves on what we do have, on what God has given us, on the life we do get to live, we’ll constantly be looking for another life. That’s why the word remember occurs again and again in the Bible. God commands his people to remember who they are, where they’ve been, what they’ve seen, what’s been done for them. If we stop remembering, we may forget. And that’s when the trouble comes.”

I think it’s okay for me to freak out sometimes. This is a big adjustment with lots of unknowns.  I find myself thinking back to times on the World Race and then feeling bad for living in the past. The truth is, it’s good for me to remember. It’s good for me to think about all the things I’ve done and places I’ve been, because it reminds me of the things God has done in and through me, and the places I’ve been with God.

It’s also good for me to remember that life is sweet. I’m living with my sister/best friend. We ate Buffalo Wild Wings last night. It’s summer. Life is good. Today while I was in the tub, my sister’s dog, Oliver Smalls, came over to see what I was doing. I think he thinks I’m weird, but he licked my arm anyways (his way of greeting slash kissing). He loves me.

hi, olly.

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